Too Smart to Play Small

A call for Black women to step into our power and stop playing small.

I’m coming to the mic a little nervously, but I have something I want to share with my community. With Black women.

It’s always tricky for us to speak to one another on the big stage of social media, knowing we’re never alone. Any dialogue that isn’t purely celebratory runs the risk of being consumed and misused by outsiders jumping in with their opinions, as if they’re entitled to weigh in.

But there are some things we need to address. Some patterns, passed down through generations, that no longer serve us. Our elders were in the trenches, and they afforded us the privilege of being able to reflect and analyze our choices with new eyes. While the world is still far from fair or equitable, Black women are now the most educated demographic in this country. This is my invitation, calling for us to step more boldly into this reality.

As a therapist, I’ve built a practice mainly serving Black women (and I love it here). After more than a thousand therapy sessions, I've noticed a few patterns. We need to take accountability for how we contribute to the outcomes of our lives.

Winces. I know. I’m cringing at myself for even saying it, because I know I sound like so many men, but I promise you this isn’t a pick-me message.

This is a call for stronger boundaries. Too many of us are knowingly allowing people to play in our faces and then crying, hurt, when fat meat is greasy.

I hear from Black women every day who ask nicely for promotions, raises, and leadership opportunities, hoping that someone will notice how hard they work. No one acknowledges that they’re the ones who built the Excel sheet everyone uses, and they’re heartbroken that their long hours and dedication aren’t being rewarded.

We are too bright and too capable to keep playing ourselves so small.